My Silly Questions
These are a few questions that I've either heard, or I have just wondered in some of my many hours of being grounded.
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan? Why is it when we are looking for an address, we turn down the volume on the radio? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? If you throw your pet cat out your car window would that be called CAT LITTER? If you choke a Smurf, What color would it turn? Corn oil is made from corn, olive oil comes from olives, so what is Baby Oil made of? Why is there never an answer to the most important questions in life? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Can you be a closet claustrophobic? Why is the word abbreviation so long? Is it possible to be totally partial? What's another word for thesaurus? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off? When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? What is the speed of dark? If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras? How come you never hear about gruntled employees? What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? How can there be self-help groups? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Where are Preparations A through G? If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like? When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? What happened to the first 6 "ups"? If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Why does your nose run, and your feet smell? My school colors were "clear". I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. Hermits have no peer pressure. Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.... How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there? Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID? I live on a one-way dead-end street. It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes? Why is it called a HAMBURGER, when it's made out of BEEF? Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date? Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery? IF "Con" is the Opposite of "Pro"....then what is the opposite of PROGRESS? Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients....but DISHWASHING LIQUID contains real lemons? How much deeper would the ocean be, if SPONGES didn't grow in it? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to "CURE" it? Why do we wash BATH TOWELS; aren't we clean when we use them? Why do we put SUITS in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" Would a fly without wings be called a walk? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? What was the best thing before sliced bread?